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You don't always get what you ask for...

"You get in life what you have the courage to ask for." Oprah Winfrey

I asked for a heart. I got an adidas sign. *shrugs*

Sometimes, even when asked, your wants and desires still don't show up in the way you think they should. The chances of getting what you ask for increases when you master the skill of communicating your desires properly/effectively.

Most people would be quick to say that they are good at asking for what they want--and not doing it passive-aggressively, shamefully, or apologetically. Dropping subtle hints, making demands, or side-talking are not the same thing. Why is it so hard for some folk to ask for what they want --- with spoken and specific words—not just unspoken signals or secret codes? I assume it's because the second a request leaves your mouth, it’s up to the other person to decide whether or not to grant that request. It’s out of your control. And who likes to feel out of control, vulnerable, or face possible rejection?

Do these things sound familiar:

“Would sure be nice if your clothes actually made it to the hamper.”

“Clean up your room!”

“I haven’t heard from you in a while…”

“Did you get my text message?”

All of these examples are horrible ways of asking for what you want. A better and more direct example of asking for what you want would be, "I am feeling anxious because I need support with the housework. Would you be willing to help by doing the dishes tonight?" See what I did there?

I would say the first step to ensure you get what you are courageous enough to ask for would be to identify the need. What do you want? Do you know? In the case of my hair design, I had an idea, I had pictures, but I also gave my husband free rein to do something he was comfortable with. With that much flexibility extended, I couldn't possibly be disappointed with the outcome. Also, folks aren't mind readers. Specifics help.

Your request also needs to be reasonable. If I only have a strip landing of hair, my design request has to be in-line with what's achievable. It also needs to be in-line with the skillset of the person performing the task.

And to put the icing on the cake, just be kind. You get in return what you give. Ask nicely!

When you get clear about what you want and need, and become brave enough to ask for it directly and kindly, you will spare yourself a lot of emotional churn and expand your capacity to accomplish more.

When all else fails, throw on some shell heads and become an ambassador for Adidas. Make the best of it. Practice gratitude in all things and others will be happy to show up in support of meeting your needs.

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