Mannnnnnn.... Trust is not something easy to grant. When you enter a new relationship with legacy distrust strapped to your ankle like a home monitor bracelet…..wooo chile.
You tell yourself not to get your hopes up because you’ll get hurt and that’s what you're used to. Self sabotage much?!?
And the self talk also tells you to expect to be lied to because in the hood, we 'don’t trust nobody.'
I was taught not to trust anyone. Nobody! When you’re told that in response to everything. *Walking to school*...”Don’t trust nobody, you hear me?” *Playing outside* “Don’t trust nobody.” No matter what I did growing up, I was told repeatedly not to trust anyone. So do you think I grew up to be a person who grants trust easily? Sometimes the constant messaging you’re putting in your child's head haunts them forever more.
Even if you've managed to marry that albino unicorn and you two awake to violins and harps, someone will eventually screw up and trust will be broken.
Where trust is broken, trust needs to be rebuilt.
Marriage does not guarantee you will be together forever. Literally, it's only paper. A marriage without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want, but it won't go anywhere.
Nowadays self gratification has been put above everything else. It's simple: You need to feel safe and secure in your love otherwise, strap on your seat belt!
Some say that change takes a year or more....The Slow Learner Principle it's called. Have you ever heard one of these comments come out of your partner's mouth:
“If s/he really loved me, he would figure it out.”
“How can s/he say that s/he loves me and keep doing the same insensitive things again and again?”
“If I have to tell him what I want, then it doesn’t count!”
Consider the contrast between the attitude that lies beneath these comments and the suggestion from the Bible that it will take a man an entire year of focused effort to learn how to please his wife. An entire year!
The media gives us images of eternal "new relationship energy," as though any relationship should be easy, organic and conflict free-- always. This imagery is a real disservice to people who wish to sustain real, long-term, intimate relationship.
The Red Sox have a pitching coach, a batting coach, a first base coach, a third base coach, a team manager, and a whole support staff behind the scenes who attend to everything from medical needs to motivational needs. If a player hits a slump, is injured, or hits unexpected challenges, a full team of experts is available to help the player confront their challenges and take steps in a corrective direction. Why is it that we can't apply this kind of model to our own lives?
With trust, your life becomes a co-authored work. Without it, you live in a perpetual horror story.
It all begins with you. Trust can't and will not be granted if you aren't trustworthy and don't trust yourself.