How hard could it be?
Updated: Apr 4, 2021
....as a rock
Marriage is awesome and amazing and rainbows and sunshine. It's also hard as fuck. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. Every hard thing I’ve done — and this includes watching my grandmother take her last breath and having a baby almost naturally before being sliced open— is exponentially less hard than marriage. And I was a person who grew up in homes where folk were married for decades, and a person who thinks marriage is a good thing. And it is still hard as fuck.
Having each part of your being — every insecurity, every fear, every unattractive habit, every dream, every change, every growth spurt — exposed, a bit peeled each day like the scab off of a sore (and being exposed to each part of your partner's) is hard. Living together is hard. Determining who's going to spend what money, and how the money will be spent, and how the money will be saved, and how you'll deal with whichever other psychological issues arise when having money convos is hard. Families are hard. Blending families is hard. Friends are hard. Sleeping is hard. Shit, even going to the bathroom in peace is hard.
If your marriage isn’t ‘work’ then I salute you. If you have found someone that makes everything easier all the time then you, my friend, are in possession of an actual albino unicorn and you should share your secrets. I have a creepy suspicion that all marriages worth fighting for take a whole lot of work.
It is hinted at, written about, studied and mumbled, but I don’t think enough married people are saying to other married people: “My relationship can be a clusterfuck of disappointment, frustration, and finger pointing.”
I am here to share my beautiful (but sometimes painful) truths in hopes that one person might find these lessons learned helpful. I have learned that while marriage is hard work sometimes hard work usually leads to something great.