As I steer straight on the path of continuous improvement, I practice becoming more aware of how my inner voice is speaking to me --the question she asks and the answers she gives. This is how I gauge my level of maturity and self-regulate (I also have others to hold me accountable - spiritually and earth-side).
I used to be at a place in my life where I disliked certain people so much-maybe because they hurt me in some way—and though I thought the hatred and disdain didn’t consume me, it did. When I look back at that period of time, that was a heavy emotion to carry every single day. As a real life example, hating my mother every day was the hardest job I've ever held. Mostly because I moved in ways that were in opposition to how my heart felt. My heart loved her and wished on every star for her to get clean. Because she didn’t show up in the way I thought she should, I withheld love. And, like many, I thought I could control that amount of hurt I sustain by pretending to be heartless.
Do you realize how hard it is to withhold love? As humans, we naturally yearn for connection and love —to receive and to give love.
My heartaches for those that are holding onto such heaviness. That heaviness blurs vision. You anticipate bad intention and are unable to extend the benefit of the doubt. Ever heard someone say, “she’s dead to me” or “it’s tough mourning the loss of someone who is alive.” If you sit with those expressions long enough, you'll see how heavily painful both of those things sound. The narrative of our lives is sometimes so subtly influenced that it can get away from us and become something that we don’t recognize or feel good about.
As it is your story, you can control how your life looks, how it feels, how you move forward and the results you achieve. In fact, the stories you tell yourself can have a big influence on your wellbeing and your ability to achieve your personal goals. The stories you tell yourself can change and shape your brain and therefore your behaviors, so it's important to empower yourself with good stories.
What disempowering stories are you telling yourself? Maybe your disempowering story is pretending you don't have feelings. Or that no one wants you...or that no one cares...or is it that you recruit others to hate. Whatever the story is, it'll hold you hostage until love shows up. May you remove the icebox where your heart used to be so you don’t continue to miss out on life changing experiences...and the ability to love fully and deeply.
Bottom-line: Hate is such an immature and debilitating emotion. Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. When I'm the object of hate, I recognize this behavior as a character flaw and I don't respond in kind. And besides, I'm Jehovah God's favorite. Feed hatred and it will grow. Confront it, understand it and disassemble it and you will grow.