If all you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail...

Manslow's hammer.

Einstellung effect.

All I had was a hammer.

"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it." ~ Albert Einstein

Einstellung refers to our predisposition to solve a given problem in a specific manner even though better or more appropriate methods of solving the problem exist. (Maslow’s Hammer) Despite the importance of maintaining an open mind, it is not uncommon for people to be misinformed or unaware, regardless of their age, job title, position etc. This concept of different things work for different people is really basic knowledge, but then again I have regular interactions with people, young and old, that fail to put themselves in others shoes before giving advice.

Take a person from the hood who just won the lottery for 50 million dollars. Money does not create class. You simply become a person from the hood with money; hence the reason why many lottery winners go BROKE in less than two years. Or talented young men from lower socioeconomic communities, go pro in sports and are broke by the end of their twenties. Your state of consciousness and train of thought must change as you expand. You MUST change. Your circle MUST evolve. You MUST find more than a hammer.

I must say, my friends are really good about when and how to offer advice; notwithstanding, I'm very careful about who I spill my deepest and darkest secrets too. I've had too many experiences like this

that have taught me to make better choices. Through these interactions, I've learned not to project my personal experiences onto others. This took some time, indeed, as we are all just the summation of our experiences. I'm delighted that my core group of friends, although they've experienced hurt and pain, have never gave me advice based on their unhealed trauma. My friends are extremely positive! In fact, I was the one with the hammer and they were the ones with gavels, mallets, screw drivers, power drills, and an entire toolbox. They helped me to find solutions in EVERY situation. I'm so grateful to have friends that haven't tainted my spirit.

The reality is....

You CANNOT avoid hurt.

No matter how much you try to control for it.

No matter how much you try to suppress your feelings.

No matter how much you try to Olivia Pope the shit.

No matter how much you try to isolate.

No matter how much you decide not to throw yourself out there.

No matter how good you parented them.

No matter how good of a person you are.

You will experience hurt.

What you do with that hurt is the real golden egg. For example, perhaps the hurt can be used to help others and in that case, you've added more tools to your toolbox.

So from now on before I share my opinion, advice or experience, I promise to first attempt to view the world through the eyes of the recipient. I also promise not to blindly accept the advice of someone who has failed to explore every avenue yet preach his or her opinion and alternative like it’s the word of Jehovah God. I will continue to trust my own reasoning, ask questions and be critical of things I hear...because “To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail”.