I deleted all the perfect people yesterday...

I was looking at my website analytics, page views, impressions, etc. There's more people that watch you than what you think. And I guess that's a good thing when you're a blogger. After all, the key purpose of a blog is to delight you readers – share how you've overcome problems, teach them how to do things you've mastered, help them connect with you, etc. The downside is that with any social media platform, people start to feel and think they know you based on what you post. Considering all posts are planned (even when they're planning to look natural and to look in the moment) and social media tends to be the highlight reel of life, no one is showing the 'real' side. All planned. The other downside might be if it becomes a little obsessive. I know folk that wake up everyday and the first thing they do is grab their phone to check The Shade Room or Twitter. When you stop living your life because you are busy investigating someone else's life, that's obsessive. Scary even.

I used to have a neighbor who shaped her day based on my actions. She watched when and where I walked my dog. She watched how close to the line I parked my car. She watched how my grass was cut because if it came within an 1/8 of her line, she was ready to argue. She may have 'thought' she had a problem with me, but it was projection at it's finest. In reality, she was miserable. The problem was definitely her. She even complained to the HOA because I constantly had different cars parked at my home (silly rabbit-my husband worked at a car dealership and changed vehicles every 5k miles). I couldn't figure out why, for the life of me, her neighborhood watch efforts only included me.

What was she hoping to see by investing that much time into surveilling her neighbor? What kind of dirt was she trying to collect on this retired-hot-girl? How to fold clothes? What to pack on hiking trails?

Interesting that this mere behavior is similar to modern day social media--clicking, scrolling and watching other people live their things. I'm not sure that some people would know who they are without the ampersand (@). When I find myself getting lost in social media, I do a disappearing act. I deactivate and delete accounts on the regular to make sure I am fully present in the moments I'm experiencing.

Today, I think about that neighbor and I actually have compassion for her. Almost everyone you meet is either repeating a generational trauma or breaking the cycle. Pain travels down through families until someone is ready to feel it and heal it. Not sure what she was dealing with, but I do know it didn't start with me.

Nothing has transformed my life more than realizing it's a waste of time to evaluate my worthiness by weighing the reaction of the people in the stands ~ Brene Brown

We all have a voice and the same twenty-four hours. We just have to decide how to use it. With mine, I choose to not worry about whose watching. I choose to be authentic. I choose to share bits and pieces of myself because, as they say, your story is not for you; it's for others. I choose to sit at the park and people watch--smiling at the elderly couple holding hands or the turtles in the water. I choose to read--currently I'm reading A Woman Is No Man and it is so good! I choose to be vulnerable. I choose to pray for others instead of judging them. I choose to belly laugh until I lose my breath....and I choose to write. And that's why you're here...because you're interested in what I have to say. Thank you! We deleted all the perfect people yesterday....WHAT UP TRAIN WRECKS? Welcome :-)