• reidsherria

Compassion for families I don't know...


Don’t really know this couple at all, but my heart aches for them.


Turning 40 gave me this uncanny appreciation of life...in an obsessively positive way. So when I see posts like this, I’m split down the middle.


Half of me screams Yeahhhh for courage to just move forward. I've witnessed first hand what's it's like to outgrow the life you've created.


1) my grandmother—she got pregnant at a young age and that was not reputable...sooooo...her brother, Toby, pretty much threatened to kill my grandfather if he didn’t marry my grandmother. They got married when she was 17. Watching them while I grew up, I didn’t see real belly laugh happiness. I saw obligation. Obligation and commitment to “the partnership”. After my grandmother passed away, I asked my grandmother’s best friend and sister if she thought my grandmother wanted a different life. She said, “I know she did.” My grandmother's commitment was self-sacrificing which is bitter. She lost herself because she refused to betray the life she said yes to. I wish she chose herself above anything else!


The other half of me weeps in devastation for the splitting of a family, especially that of an African American family. There are many negative implications when a family is in breakdown. Here's one example

and Google has plenty more.


2) the breakdown of the black family- I hear a lot of youth who have lost complete faith in the family structure. And the comments all across social media further add to that point. This life ain’t easy and if you should marry, it can be quite the journey. You’re basically growing up alongside your spouse and it’s a hike, but the view is so awesome. To witness the fall and the dynasty crumble is gut wrenching. Some facing divorce have no idea of the many relationships that will be negatively impacted by their decision--grandmothers, aunts, uncles, sisters, cousins, etc. Everyone knows that the rising proportion of women who bear and raise children out of wedlock has greatly weakened the American family system. This phenomenon, once thought limited to African Americans, now affects whites as well, so much so that the rate at which white children are born to an unmarried mother is now as high as the rate for black children in the mid-1960s, when Daniel Patrick Moynihan issued his famous report on the Negro family. There is no silver bullet to strengthening the family structure; notwithstanding, there is much to be hopeful for if family structure among blacks and kids of all races were more stable.


My two feelings combined prove to me that all things are about balancing and rebalancing into a state of harmony. Seek balance of your heart and mind. I pray this family has support for no matter what side of the coin, divorce is hard!



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